Plot Twists

In my last post, I mentioned that everyone's journey is different. Our journey began in childhood and has been tumultuous at times and smooth at other times. It isn't easy. I don't think anyone's journey is easy, whether they are farming, working in the corporate world, or have a blue-collar job. All jobs are worthy of respect, and the recognition that they require effort and gumption. The point is there is a story for every person and that story would be very boring if it were written with the same plot for the main characters (or protagonists). In mine and Alex's story, we have quite a bit of rising action and many climactic scenes that keep leading up to a great falling action, and finally a resolution. BUT, we are not quite ready to reach the end of our story. Our short story turned into a novel somewhere along the way. In this novel, we have lots of plot twists and some pretty great supporting characters to make this story go forward. We also had some antagonists, or bad guys, that keep our plot pretty interesting, too.

I can't help but use a metaphor to describe our lives together. In my last post, it was important to both Alex and me to give credit to two of the people who helped shape us. Our grandmothers were incredible women, but they were not the only people who have helped to mold us. Of course, we give most credit to our parents and I will save a future blog post about our grandfathers and their roles in our lives. That one is just as important as our grandmothers. They were amazing men. However, it is important to acknowledge all people who help you get to where you are going. Sometimes, these people are helpful and may offer you their time or something they have to help you. Sometimes, these people work against you and try to destroy exactly what it is you are working so hard to build. In hindsight, it is hard to see any good in what these "antagonists" are trying to do to you. Their actions may stem from jealousy, power, control, hatred, or all the above. It doesn't really matter. What matters is how you respond and what you are able to take from it.

Years ago, I had a supervisor who was determined to break my spirit. This person lied on my evaluations and left me in a situation where I began contemplating filing a lawsuit. I could not understand this person's evil intentions and didn't know what I did to deserve that treatment. I ended up getting my "union" involved and they supported me 100%. They did not understand this person's actions, either. In the long run, I left that job and found another one in the same field with a much better supervisor. I chose not to file a lawsuit because my old supervisor left that position as well and I just wanted it all to go away. Shame on me, I guess. A while after getting my new job, I found out everywhere that supervisor went, they picked out a handful of people and treated them the same exact way I was treated. Eventually, that supervisor ended up at the same place Alex worked and decided he needed to be in that group that was picked on. That was a mistake. Alex fought back hard. There was no lawsuit but this person left him alone, at least for a year. By then, Alex had his foot out the door and was ready to move forward.

This antagonist just about broke me and my spirit, but what this person did accomplish, was to teach me that you cannot treat people that way because you are power-hungry and greedy. In essence, this person left for another more powerful job, but left behind a path of destruction for many people. This person was cruel and conniving in the workplace who wanted absolute control and power over me (and others). It didn't happen. That is probably why this person came after me. It had nothing to do with me doing my job.

I liken this person to the evil antagonist in stories that helps the plot move forward and the character grow. That is what this person did for me and for Alex. Our plot moved forward because this person helped us realize we needed to close that chapter in our lives. It was time to leave that field for both of us (we both worked in the same career field), and that hassle was difficult and necessary to help us understand we were not of value anymore in that world. I guess I should say, "Thank you" to that person for helping us realize change needed to take place and to also learn to be careful who you trust. I will pass on that opportunity to thank this person but will always appreciate the lesson they taught me.

As much as I wanted to hang onto those bitter feelings, it was imperative I find closure and focus on the important things in my life. The timing of those particular events came when things seemed to be spiraling out of our control. The bills were numerous, there were crazy long weekend runs to get our errands completed, trying to fix things around the house, the massive amount of work brought home to complete, and trying to keep up with two toddlers was quite overwhelming. The demands to be certain places at certain times and trying to make so many people (and that includes ourselves) happy were literally too much. When you also factor in all the chaos caused by our jobs, Alex and I were heading down a path we really didn't want to take. Enter another great antagonist in this story: Stress.

Stress is something that all humans need a little bit of in their lives. It makes us tick. Too much stress can make us explode because it creates a ticking time bomb. That was us. We needed to step back and regroup. We needed simplicity. We needed less chaos. And just when we thought we couldn't take any more stress, Life threw us a plot twist...a third baby. As ecstatic as we were with our newest surprise, we were completely overwhelmed. The most ironic part of this plot twist was that we were too financially stretched for me to keep working. Having three children in three years and then three in pre-school would literally take my entire paycheck. This pushed us toward our first big step to self-sufficiency.

I stopped working for an establishment and created a safe space in our home. This plot twist really challenged me in ways that it didn't necessarily challenge Alex. I was a working woman with career goals. Now I was a woman with three small children that I was completely in love with, and I was going to care for them 24/7. What a huge shift in my daily dynamic and overall psyche. It took me a long time to understand the value of this gift. It took me a long time to understand that being home with my children and making a place that was welcoming and love-filled made me no less of a woman. I struggled with not bringing in an income. I blurred the lines of who I was and who I was meant to be and after a couple of years of being with my kids and adding one more to the mix, I discovered my self-worth was not determined by what I did in life for a career. There were four small humans that elevated me beyond any type of promotion or career advancement I had destined for myself. They were the ultimate promotion. In essence, it developed me into a person who understood how a dollar can be stretched and the difference between something that was needed and something that was wanted. This was the first real rule to homesteading I acquired in those early years: being frugal with your money and your time.

There have been so many antagonists in our story. Some have been incredibly damaging and have set us back quite a way. I guess you could say they knocked us flat on our butts. However, when we got up and dusted ourselves off, the feeling of determination was stronger than ever. We have always had that determination, but the drive to accomplish who we set out to be could never have been as strong if we had not been introduced to those plot twists and antagonists in our lives. You see, the things or people that try to tear us down or drive us apart from one another or our goals, have only made us stronger and more apt to work harder.

Looking back at the beginning of our story, I would have thought that our plot would've been simple. A little bit of rising action, climax, falling action, and then our resolution. Boom, that's it. A very simple life that follows the pattern of you are born, you go to school, you get married, you have children, you retire, you have grandchildren, and then you reflect back on your life and enjoy all those moments. So many people live this story. Alex and I live this story, too. The difference is not all stories have the same rising action or the same villains.

I have found the greatest antagonist in our story has been myself. Although, I am one of the main characters in my own story, I am also the biggest antagonist. My antagonistic side is like the annoying fly that won't leave you alone on a hot summer day. It is always buzzing in your face until you either kill it or go inside. I hold myself back because I am afraid and unsure of how to move forward. Fear grips me so hard sometimes that all I want to do is run away to a place where there are no responsibilities. I can be negative and say hateful words when everything fails on the homestead. Then I see my children's disappointment and feel the guilty repercussions of being the villain. I will talk to myself with such negative self-talk when I cannot get something accomplished. Then I start questioning my self-worth. I am so quick to attack myself, hindering my ability to focus on what is important. It is a vicious cycle. I guess everyone is their own antagonist. The difference is how you push through it and not make excuses for it, right?

That internal conflict I feel from the insecurities in myself and what we are trying to do on our little farm, helps drive our story. That nagging urge to push as hard as I can is what helps us achieve one small goal after another. When there isn't enough internal conflict to create that annoying antagonism, that is when I fall behind the most. I can honestly say Alex never loses that drive he has to accomplish a goal and he doesn't seem to know what the word rest means. He struggles to understand how I tick sometimes, but that is okay. That is why it really does take two to make this story work. When one of us (and that would be me) isn't pushing forward, then we become stagnant. This "novel" we are writing is a work in progress. It is important to us that it has depth, shows growth, and creates the overall vivid pictures needed to understand the plot. Our homesteading journey is not a cute little story we created a couple of years ago. It is a novel we have been writing from the beginning and constantly proofreading and editing. Our hope is that you enjoy the novel and take part in our "proofreading and editing" and continue to flip the pages.