Projector Screens

Sometimes I wander through our house aimlessly.  Most of the time, it is because I forgot where I was going and why I was going there.  Alex says I have way too many tabs open all the time.  Maybe he is right.  My mind is forever racing with thoughts and things that must be done daily.  I like to think I am on a mission to get something done.  The truth of the matter is I steal moments from my daily schedule to look at the pictures of our kids sitting on the piano or in a photo album on the shelf.  I will find myself reminiscing about when they were little and the funny things they often did.  Like the time when Emily was about five, and she had just learned to read.  She came running into the kitchen and jerks open the silverware drawer to get a spoon for her dinner, and says, "Don't make me b!tch slap you."  Naturally, I looked at her and said with a very elevated tone of voice, "What did you say, Young Lady?"  She looked at me with those confused brown eyes and proudly said the phrase again while showing me my wine cork with a picture of a cranky old lady saying that very phrase right there in my drawer.  I smile at that particular memory.  It is one of my favorites...the innocence of childhood meets the vulgarity of adulthood.

It's funny how the human brain works.  It is a computer spitting out information sometimes that is incredibly useless or useful and other times, the brain will pop out a memory to remind you that you are not a machine, but a person with feelings and emotions.  It has the same effect on you as watching a movie screen.  Do you remember those big old pull-down screens our teachers would set up to show us a movie in class?  Do you remember the euphoria you felt when you walked into the classroom?  Well, that is exactly what those memories are all about.  It allows you to get lost in that one moment while it is played out on your very own projector screen.

When the kids were little, we thought it was so hard.  We were always changing diapers, feeding them, reading books, playing outside, and making sure baths and bedtimes were met.  I guess the physical aspect of all that work was extremely exhausting.  The reality of it was how easy that part of the kids' lives was.  All our kids ever wanted was our time and our love.  We gladly gave them plenty of both.  As they grew older, it became more difficult.  More emotions got involved and the kids started grappling with feelings that were new to them.  They were not sure how to express themselves effectively and we had no idea what to do or how to handle their outbursts.  Needless to say, controlled chaos ensued.  

Controlled chaos is what a lot of parents understand as raising kids and literally trying to keep it together.  For Alex and me, we were overwhelmed most of the time.  We went a thousand miles per hour while trying to give each one of our kids the attention they demanded and deserved.  We were also trying to make sure we made time for ourselves.  When we felt like we couldn't keep up, the funniest or the sweetest moments would happen.  We can't forget the time Jordan started talking.  As her little lexicon grew, we were ecstatic…until the day she said, "truck."  "Um, I'm sorry, what did you say?"  And again, that little thing blurted out the same mispronunciation.  I have no doubt every parent knows how hard it is to keep it together when these things happen, especially being so innocent.  It turned out; Jordan couldn't actually hear that well due to constant ear infections and fluid behind her eardrum. Once we got her second set of tubes inserted and her adenoids taken out, her indecent language went away and her pronunciations for all of her words became very clear and accurate.  Sometimes, I wish we could go back and just stay in those moments.  They were so funny.  Now all we are able to do is hit the rewind button and play those moments over and over again in our memories.

As we have grown older, the controlled chaos has not left us.  True, the physical aspect of raising our kids has gotten easier as they have gotten older, but our focus has shifted from a total focus on our kids acting appropriately, to helping our kids transition to the expected behaviors of adulthood.  Now they must deal with learning how the real world is.  A lot of life's realities can be taught on our farm.  Like, for example, the birds and the bees.  Apparently, all of our hogs felt the need to get a little frisky with our boar, Whippet, when he broke through his enclosure.  The kids were able to watch the entire process and then the questions began.  Here's how some of that conversation went:

Timmy: "Mom, how is he able to get on top of Superwoman?"

Me: "Um, well.  You know.  You watched, right.  He got it done."

Jordan: "Yeah, Timmy.  Dummy."

Me: "Really, Jordan?"

Jordan: "What?  He stood there and watched the whole thing.  You would think he could figure it out."

Timmy and Morgan (in unison): "Mom, why is his thingy all corkscrewed?"

Jordan: "Geez Timmy! Mom, you need to talk to that boy.”

Emily: laughing hysterically

Timmy: “You didn’t know either, Jordan (with lots of emphasis on her name),”

Morgan: “Mom, is Superwoman pregnant?”

Jordan: “No Dummy.  How is that possible when Whippet JUST did ‘the naughty’ with her?”

At that point, Jordan rolls her eyes and walks away, Emily is laughing hysterically, and Timmy and Morgan are yelling their little “obscenities” at Jordan.  Me?  I’m laughing and pretending to be frustrated at the same time.  But hey, it makes for a great memory. 

The kids are who they are.  They are going to be the people they were meant to be.  As parents, Alex and I feel completely honored to be their mentors in this journey.  There is no greater joy than to watch your children develop.  There is no greater gift than to have the positive and funny memories they give you each day.  Before long, they won’t be here to make us laugh or shake our heads.  I guess Alex and I have always enjoyed watching movies.  Now, we get to enjoy the movies we helped to produce and direct.